Church's Marketing strategy

I would like to suggest the following marketing strategies for my Church:

1. For churches that have problems with outsiders parking in its parking lots, put up a sign: CHURCH CAR PARK - FOR MEMBERS ONLY Trespassers will be baptized!
2. "No God - No Peace; Know God - Know Peace."
3. "Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"
4. "Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin Robbins."
5. "Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"
6. An ad for one Church would have a picture of two hands holding stone tabletson which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads,"For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."
7. When the restaurant next to another Church put out a big sign with redletters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
8. "People are like tea bags -- you have to put them in hot water beforeyou know how strong they are."
9. "Fight truth decay -- study the Bible daily."
10. "How will you spend eternity - Smoking or Nonsmoking?"
11. "Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives"
12. "Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and thepay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
13. "It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
14. "Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."
15. "If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."
16. "If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."
17. "Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternalfire insurance soon."
18. "This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?" ---------(U R)
19. "In the dark? Follow the Son."
20. "Running low on faith? Step in for a fill-up."
21. "If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."